Happy Endings

So just to put it out there, I'm suicidal.
I don't expect you to care, or understand, it is what it is.
I've been specialed when in hospital before [which means you have someone with you 24 hours a day, you cant even pee or shower or sleep on your own] because of a suicide risk.
But this is the first time it's ever felt real.
It's my time, it's as though i've finally clicked. Life isn't supposed to be this hard, your not supposed to have negative thoughts about yourself controlling you every second of every day.
Of having to face each day smiling, with the thought of you being the most hideous, undeserving ungrateful being in the world.
I can make it all stop.
I wrote a couple of letters, that's a lie there more like notes.
Just to my family and best friend reminding them I love them.

Well here I go
I'll see you in heaven